The Infinite Circle

Another sleepless night plagues my conscious mind. What does it all mean... what is its purpose... this life we live day after day. What is the point... the final endgame of the relentless cycle we endure? Each day we thank God for all the wonderful gifts he has given us... family, friends, fishing on weekends and dinner at Mom's on Sundays. We wake up every day to a new, yet somehow the same sunrise... we dress, ready the kids for school, head our separate ways and then reconvene hours later to start the cycle all over again. Dinner, dishes, laundry, bath time, pick a fight for no reason, random conversations about the news and work. Maybe we find a cause to believe in... and one to fight against... then back to bed to begin the circle once more.

But what does it all mean... is there a special purpose for each of us? Or are we just existing? The "meaning of life" is the endless, age-old question that haunts us all at some point in our life. Are we here to touch other's lives in some way... to break their hearts and destroy their souls... to lift them up and guide them... or are we just here for the most primal, basic and selfish reason? Survival...

They say that the meaning of life is different for each one of us. For me all I want to do is love... be loved... and share my monotonous, endless days with someone whose face I never tire of. But even that is a challenge in itself. People come and go in and out of our lives... always searching for the next best thing. Never really finding it, only to settle because the years have crept up on us and we are terrified to be alone at the end.

Our course as humans has taken us to a time where it's become normal to "shop" for a partner. We swipe left... we swipe right... his hair is too short... her hips are too wide... he doesn't have a good enough job. We never take the time or spare the effort to meet someone and get to know them and understand them on a soulful level. It's become far too easy to ignore someone until they simply "go away" when we grow tired of them, and then we quickly move on to the next "flavor of the week". We have become dehumanized... complacent... judgmental... and narcissistic. The connections people used to find have become scarce. And when we do find that connection... that "true love" that would fill our soul... we run. 

I fear for the future of human-kind... I weep for the generations to come that may never know what it's like to feel the nervous butterflies deep in their stomach when someone they like touches their hand for the first time. Before they even get to know someone, they will have a preconceived idea of who they believe that person really is... and they will be dissuaded by a disappointment that hasn't yet been earned. 

And selfishly I fear for myself. As the years have crept up on me, I too am beginning to feel that sting in my chest... wondering if I will travel the rest of my days on a solo path. But I will not settle... I will NEVER settle. I still believe in true love... I believe in that rare, and oh so precious connection that can exist between two people. So, I lie awake one more night... wondering if my hope is misguided... praying that this life is more than just an "existence" as I prepare my mind to wake up to yet another day.

           

~ Alethea J Salazar © 2018